When I first read what my heart already knew it broke me down harder than I thought it would who knew I fell so hard who knew I cared but what hurt the most were all the lies that were told i didn’t understand what was the reason he kept me around for so long he had the chance to let me go I gave him the opportunity to yet he broke me down like I knew he would
It’s 5:39am and I’m up thinking about you I found an old conversation where I was telling you I missed you why Yoyo why so soon I miss you so much i would give anything to have one more hug just one I just wanted to hug you at your viewing I want you to call me Babygirl one more time just hear that geekin laugh one more time I love you so much till we meet again ❤️
every time i wake up seems so unreal like it was a mean joke or something i cant believe your actually gone i really dont believe it if there was one more thing i could tell you it would be that your one of the most humblest people i know and thank you for always having my back you were one of my downiest chicks ever but you already know that since i always use to say it so i guess it would be that i love you with all my heart baby girl why… im in my room listening to aaliyah “miss you” and when DMX said i know why god would have wanted you next to him you were truly an angel and all i can think about is you man i havent felt this down since edwins death which made it even worse you died the same day he did all i can think all the fun times we had together all the sleep overs we had at maolys how we got so fucked for new years how you use to go to church with me all those times you maoly jossi and i spent in your room always smiling no matter i dont know how ill be on Wednesday all i can tell you is that i give it up to your mom shes truely a strong women you should have seen your candle lighting thats how you know youve touched a lot of peoples hearts just like youve touched mine and i will never let you go you were such a great friend i just wished you were still here i love you so much baby girl may you rest in paradise
I wonder what the future holds for us. When I was little I never pictured life like this I heard a quote today “keep your head up. God gives his hardest battle to his strongest soldiers” and I think to my self there’s always going to be challenges in life but what happens in that moment where you start to doubt yourself to the point where you feel like its unhealthy to be feeling the way you do but this is the path that has been created for you but it’s your choice if you want to continue this path or choose to create a different path personally fear is what restrains the mind the fear of not doing something right the fear of how it’s going to turn out the fear of doing it right but moving to the next step I guess we just have to let destiny take its own course or take destiny into your own hands;
I don’t know why I’m up right now time is just flying by but I’m just lost in my thoughts right now thinking about Bailey I don’t know why but yet again I’m always thinking about her and how I took such a blessing for granted as I lay here I think of how much different my life would have been I see everyone with there babies and it just makes my mind wonder maybe ill stop having these sleepless nights soon….
when it comes to bad new i try to be strong but when bad things happen right after another how strong can you be? today i received a text saying that my best friends dad is in the hospital tears just ran down my eyes how could this be true me and my best friend had seen him not to long ago we were in his room just hanging out with him watching crime shows talking about he cant sleep at night so he sleeps in the day and that the guy next to him always asks him are you ready and he would reply yes im ready so the guy goes 123 go! and then asks him again if hes ready her dad made me laugh so hard but hearing someone had a stroke, a blood clot in his brain and now he cant speak anymore and hes trying so hard to speak to his kids but only mumbles are heard breaks my heart seeing that he looked so healthy not to long ago is heartbreaking but all i can do is pray and leave it in gods hands.. hope you get better
receiving your call surprised me after ending things the way i did i thought you would have just forgot about everything but i guess not it felt good seeing you again but i may have to stay away for a little longer after losing bailey things still haven’t fallen back into place sometimes i wonder if they ever will maybe my life needed a change but who knows what the future holds….
i dont know when this pain will leave my heart i feel like i cant be alone because i think to much about it but when im with people i feel like thats all they want to talk about so what am i suppose to do ?
i couldn’t believe the words that came out the doctors mouth i just started to zone out this was it it was all over with she was gone in the blink of an eye but i did not shed one tear i was in another place a place where nothing made sense anymore my friend keep asking me if i was ok she kept telling me its ok to cry that’s when i received a text saying im so sorry those words broke me down into pieces wondering why it happened to me i just kept telling myself only god knows why god just had a different plan for me but it didn’t take away the pain who knew you could love someone so much to my unborn child mommy loves you so much may you rest in peace
Sometimes i wonder why this happened to me but everything in life has a purpose, right? Because if it didn’t have a purpose then nothing would make sense, right? maybe i over think things to much but its just the way were designed, to over analyze a situation that doesn’t need to. Maybe this is for the best im not saying the path i was going down was good but the truth is i didn’t care i was in the state of mind where partying was a must, and not something to do when you need a break from reality. Now when it comes down to me coming back to reality you notice that the life you were once living is always going to be a big part of you just for the fact is your the only one from your party friends that isn’t partying and boy does it suck. But then comes the next step what are you doing to help your situation? Usually my motto is “im just going with the flow” boy how i wish i could still use that. My life did a whole 360 on me i cant live my life not knowing what the next step is people keeping saying how much of a blessing this is i see it as my life has to become a routine instead of just living it